Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my sisters under your porch take her home
Slut skills are useful in every country.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
