Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
