i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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