hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
