I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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