dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
