he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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