she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
