Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
