New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
