Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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