her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
