guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
