I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
