guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
