Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
