you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
