I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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