Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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