I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
