Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
