bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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