theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
