i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
