She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
