An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
