Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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