talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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