This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize