i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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