T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize