Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
