dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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