ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
