I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
