I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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