I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
