dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
