I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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