Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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