WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
