69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
