How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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