Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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