My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
