I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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