nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
