using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
