his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize