omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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