we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
