Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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