He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
