i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize