I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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