I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
