Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Text me some of your sweat
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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