Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
