i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
