I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
