If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
