just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
