For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
