I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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