Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
well you can't waste a boner
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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