He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
